Selfishness and Relationships

01-selfish-in-love-010612300Selfishness is a personality trait that our parents try to weed out of us starting during childhood. If children are selfish, then perhaps it is a basic survival instinct, to want everything for one’s self. However, we all know that selfishness is completely negative – especially in relationships. Here are some of the selfish mistakes that married and dating people make all the time:

1. Courtroom drama

Many people, when arguing with a significant other, do a perfectly good job of presenting their side of an issue and arguing their case like Johnny Cochran. However, when it comes to listening to their partner’s side, they’re too busy figuring out how they will respond, or simply not listening at all. One should approach an argument as a moment for listening open-mindedness and resolution – not defensive techniques. A selfish person always needs to be right and “win.” A loving person prefers to resolve a conflict.

2. Top secrecy

There are different kinds of secrets and undisclosed truths in a relationship.  They can pertain to a bad choice or hurtful action. They can also simply be feelings or thoughts that an individual keeps locked up inside, afraid or embarrassed to reveal the truth to his or her partner. Both of these cases involve selfish action. Relationships operate best on openness, trust and communication. When you withhold, you do everyone involved a disservice.

3. Never assume

Assuming that you know what your partner is thinking, or that you know what’s best for them, is operating in a you-centric manner. Similarly, assuming that your partner’s actions were intended to hurt you or even involve you is a selfish way of thinking as well. Everyone has a bad day and everyone makes mistakes. Try to stop yourself from automatically assuming things about your loved one’s thoughts and actions.

4. Bedroom behavior

Sex is an extremely enjoyable two-way-street. You cannot expect to have a good sex life with your partner if you are only thinking about yourself in the bedroom and not the other person’s satisfaction as well. Each person’s sexual fantasies, preferences and drives are different. An unselfish person will make an effort to accommodate their sexual partner in any way allowed by God and state – and, sometimes, not even limited by those.

5. So annoying

Everyone’s significant other gets on their nerves sometimes. After a long enough time together, the little things you once thought were cute become annoying. A selfish individual criticizes their partner for almost inconsequential, little quirks. A loving person, on the other hand, looks at themselves first, observes their own faults and thinks how they can improve themselves.