– Contributed by – Ashley Kay, creator and author of The Ex Recovery System.
It’s almost never a good idea to tell your ex one thing, when you really want the complete opposite to happen. You will almost always come out losing something.
Here’s a typical scenario:
Jane is upset with John because he has been pulling away from her. So she gets angry and lets a few “threatening” words leek out like:
- We should just break up.
- I don’t want to be with you.
- I’d be happier without you.
- Maybe you should find someone else.
When really what she wants is for him to love her and no one else. Does this sound familiar? Women, do not do this! This will not have the desired effect you’re after and you will regret it.
Actually what John will be thinking is:
- She doesn’t love me because she wants to end it right here and now.
- She doesn’t care or else she wouldn’t be saying these things.
- She is unhappy, therefore I’ve failed as a man.
Instead of wanting to try harder, he will withdraw more because he feels she doesn’t care about him. So ladies, if you want your man back, first of all, make sure that what you say, do and want are congruent!
Nothing is more frustrating than someone whose actions don’t line up with their words!
This isn’t about being desperate, needy and begging your ex back, it’s about being true to your real feelings and wants, and just delivering those messages in a mature and calm manner.
If you love him, tell him you love him and you want things to work out between the two of you, but of course, he will also need to do some work too! You can’t love enough for the both of you.
In a case as such, I would send an apology letter to tell your true feelings and then don’t expect a response back. He needs time to sort things out on his own.
Men need to go “hide” and recoup when their ego and self-esteem is low. Give him the space to be more confident and strong again and when he is ready, he will make contact.
For more information and advice on how to get your ex back, click here!